Interview with Lady Nadia Essex

Can you tell me your thoughts about the future of dating?
Well, I believe in going back to go forward. I genuinely believe you can find your man the ‘old fashioned way’ in a bar or out and about. The type of guy I like doesn’t have time to sit for hours swiping left or right scrolling through hundreds of profiles online. They are out with friends or at a business dinner or just landed from a trip. Although online dating has exploded over the last 5 years many women (including myself) have tried every dating website and been unsuccessful. It’s becoming saturated and more seedy with each new website and I believe with role models like myself who aren’t afraid to speak out, meeting men offline will see a huge revival.

What are your thoughts about how technology is changing dating?
Well, thanks to technology today the first thing my girlfriends do before any first date is Google them. This can be a blessing and a curse. Women are master investigators it’s inbuilt in our DNA and I have seen a friend go from casually browsing their dates Facebook page to finding out their cousins, aunties, sons, sisters kids names, Ex-girlfriends food intolerances, hobbies and parents anniversary date. Watching this obsessive behaviour from a perfectly rational CEO spiral first hand was so interesting and it all went from relaxed to slightly sinister stalking very quickly. She had made all the judgements about her date and his personality before she had even met him. Being so judgemental before meeting is never the best way to start a first date. I always recommend going in with open eyes and an open mind. On the other hand a good old quick Google search to make sure he isn’t a serial killer can be a good thing ;).

Can you share a dating story with me?
I have been a very proactive dater. I have dated over 100 men (dated, not slept with to be clear) and had the ultimate dream dates. I’ve been flown on private jets, had Michelin star chefs cook for me and been to the best restaurants or theatre shows. I have also had some disasters. I have even been stood up at the airport all excited to go away for a weekend. Believe me having to go home and unpack after being stood up was more than disappointing and a real eye opener. I have also turned up to dinner and my date had 3 other women at the table. By the bad extensions, over the top makeup and unnecessary cleavage I knew these girls were being paid to be there. Needless to say, I turned on my heel and walked out. Not before I waved my finger and loudly proclaimed, “shame on you”! Yet even with all the dating disasters I still believe in true love. I have turned into Charlotte York in my 30s. I am a true romantic and a real advocate for love. I know he is out there and I just have to be patient. I know ‘he’ is one in a million so when he comes it will be more than worth the wait.

Why do you want to help women find their perfect man?
Well, who wouldn’t want to help people fall in love? Being in love is the very best feeling in the world and I believe there is that special someone out there for everyone. Helping others gives me the most amount of pleasure and pride. I love helping women prepare for that exciting first date knowing that if it goes well this could be the last first date they ever have. I love when my clients are happy in their relationship and I love it when my clients say if it wasn’t for me they never would have met the man of their dreams. I always say no matter how much money you have, if you have love, you feel like the richest person in the world.

What would your advice be to those single and looking?
Number 1! Delete your tinder account. It’s disgusting. No man I know on it is there for a relationship. It’s a place for sex and there is always someone who pipes up because their friend of a friend found their now husband on there. Two things to remember. Out of the approx. 50 million users they have a less than 1% success rate. Now let’s just think about that. If your horse at a race had a 1% chance of winning would you even place a bet? Not me.

The second thing to remember is to never give up or settle. The pressure of being single over the age of 26 is immense and myself being 33 it is gigantic. At every family function the first question is ‘how’s the love life’ or ‘when are you going to settle down’ asked with judgemental tones. Like I’m some diva who scares away men and who must be miserable because I’m single. In your heart, or more importantly your gut, you know what you deserve. Be patient and don’t settle for anything less than you believe you deserve. Anyone who tells you ‘you’re too picky’ has settled in their life. Beware of others’ advice. The majority of people will give advice to make themselves feel better about their own inadequacies and not actually what is best advice for you.

3rd you are not going to meet your Prince Charming in the local ‘old mans’ pub on the corner. For many women a night out is rarities due to kids or money so when you do get a chance to go out make the most of it. Put your face on, wear heels and get to the nice bars where the decent men are. Don’t waste a night out. Making an effort to get dressed up and go to a nice venue could change your life forever.

Do you think programs like ‘Millionaire Matchmaker’ give unrealistic expectations for future generations?

Well, I hope not. I’m developing the UK version of Millionaire Matchmaker TV show. My show is going to be slightly different however and is more about helping women find their ultimate Prince Charming rather than just matchmaking. I genuinely believe that if you think you deserve it, the man of your dreams will come. So many women settle due to social pressure or fear of being lonely and the relationships don’t last the distance because it was never ‘right’ from the beginning. I will show viewers that it’s clear most women attract the wrong men because of what they put out there and with a few simple changes and some confidence there are still some great single guys out there and it’s impossible to meet the right guy.

What do you think is really killing the dating world?
Firstly romance is all but dead. I think men don’t have any really good mainstream role models anymore. You have the likes of Dapper Laughs who teaches men that dating is out and that it’s all about casual sex and treating women with any respect both in and out of the bedroom is for ‘losers’. I also think that women have a huge part to play. So many times I see women on Twitter complaining about her date because she offered to pay half and he accepted. Gasp!! What did she really expect?? These are the childish games holding women back from finding true love. You don’t offer as ‘a test’. If he invites you to dinner you should not have to pay for the privilege. Stop giving men mixed signals and the ‘paying’ problem will be eradicated. Ultimately the women are the ones in control when dating. They set the rules and if more women had higher standards, the men will have no choice but to step up. I’m on a mission to bring back romance. I know with more romance the world would be a better place overnight.


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